Choosing Without Obligation: What If You Didn’t Owe Anyone Anything?

Oh look — we’re live.It’s so freakin’ bright out right now, I can’t even see the screen. So if you’re waving, dropping hearts, saying hello or shouting “OMG CONNOR!” into the digital ether — hi!Hi to all of you.Hello to the ones I see.Hello to the ones I don’t.

And actually… that’s kind of fun. Like, for all I know, there could be 80,000 people watching right now. And if you’ve ever tried to choose something when 80,000 people are watching, you know: obligation gets LOUD.

Obligation: The Sneaky, Sticky, Socially-Acceptable Sludge

You know what’s been showing its ugly face for the past 24–48 hours?

Obligation.

That lovely little voice that says:“You have to do this.”“You said you would.”“You’re supposed to.”“Be nice.”“Show up.”“Follow through.”“Be consistent.”

Here’s the thing though… how much of that is actually yours?

How often do you feel like someone’s obligating you — and you’re not even willing to acknowledge it?You just feel heavy.Sluggish.You start walking like a cartoon in slow weather…You’re dragging yourself through it because you “should,” because you “have to,” and because at some point, you decided:

“This is what I chose… right?”

But is it?Did you actually choose it?Or did you obligate yourself into it and then call it “choice” so you didn’t have to admit you were stuck?

Obligation vs. Choice: Are You Choosing Without Obligation?

Let’s look at this a bit more deeply. One of my favorite things to ask in these moments is:

“Everywhere I bought that I don’t have choice — will I destroy and uncreate all of that now?”

YES!

And that moment, that tiny breath of destruction and uncreation, clears the slate. You don’t have to keep dragging the obligation into the next thing. You can stop functioning from “I have to” and start living from “I get to choose.”

So now I’ll ask you:

Where in your life are you choosing from obligation?And what would it be like to start choosing without obligation?

Let’s look at some everyday examples:

• Family expects you to show up every Sunday. Do you want to?

• You’ve been with your partner for 6 years. Do you choose them today, or just stay because you always have?

• That job you said yes to 2 years ago — are you still saying yes, or just fulfilling a contract that only exists in your head?

We get stuck in these loops where we’re not even choosing anymore — we’re just following the rules of old obligations. Some we made ourselves. Some were given to us.

But what if…

You didn’t owe anyone anything?

The Seductive Nature of Obligation

Now here’s the juicy part. Ready?

Sometimes, we like obligation.

Yep.You read that right.

Sometimes we [__]ing love it, because as long as we’re obligated, we don’t have to choose. If you’re “supposed” to be somewhere, do something, be someone — then you don’t have to ask:

“What do I actually desire right now?”

You don’t have to get messy with choice. You just follow the script.

And honestly… obligation is easier. It’s numb. It’s comfortable.But it's also where choice goes to die.

The Great Lie: "I'm Doing It for You"

Another sneaky little obligation trap? Expecting something back.

Ever been there?

“I did this for you. I showed up for you. I bent over backward for you. And you didn’t even…”

Ooof. Yep. That’s obligation masquerading as kindness. That’s giving — with strings attached.

And if you’re on the receiving end of it, doesn’t it feel gross?

But don’t judge it. Just notice: Where in your life are you giving from obligation, not choice?

Where are you hoping your actions obligate others to give back, or validate, or return the favor?

Would you be willing to destroy and uncreate all of that?

Right, wrong, good, bad, [] [], all nine, shorts, boys and beyonds.

Choosing Without Obligation: The Ultimate Superpower

Here’s a crazy question:

What if choosing without obligation is the single most powerful way to live?

Like… what if you could choose:

• Who you show up for

• How you use your energy

• What projects you say yes to

• Which relationships light you up

• What you wear

• Where you live

• What you eat for breakfast

…not because you’re supposed to, but because it makes you feel alive?

And here’s a little Access Consciousness tool for those moments where you’re not sure:

Ask:

“If I were truly choosing for me, what would I choose?”

Now don’t answer it.Just let the energy show up.Let the awareness rise.

Obligating Others: The Flip Side

Let’s be real for a sec.

You know what else is fun to look at?

Where you obligate other people.

Ugh. Yeah. That one.

We don’t think we do it. But how many times have you:

• Done something for someone — and expected gratitude?

• Offered a “favor” — and then felt bitter when it wasn’t reciprocated?

• Played the martyr — “I always do everything, no one does it for me!”

It’s cool. No judgment. We’ve all been there.

But the moment you notice it — that’s the moment you’re free. That’s the moment you go:

“Oh… I was obligating them so I didn’t have to own my choice.”

You chose to help.You chose to say yes.You chose to give.

Cool.

Now choose again. And don’t pretend you didn’t choose.

So, What’s the Invitation?

I'm about to head to Lisbon (Symphony sessions incoming!), then Munich, then I’m off to the castle — yes, the Castle Borgone in Italy. Then Slovenia. Turkey. Probably a few places I forgot to write down.

My calendar’s full of creation. But nothing in it is an obligation.

Even when I’m booked wall-to-wall, even when I’m on back-to-back flights and jet-lagged to the moon — it’s not obligation.

It’s choice.

I choose this.I desire this.I’m creating from joy, not duty.

Upcoming: Zoom with Me (Obligation Optional)

So in a day or two, I’ve got a free Zoom happening — originally for people in Russia and Turkey, but really for anyone who wants to join. I’ll be speaking in English, so come hang if:

• You’re curious about Access Consciousness

• You’d like to make more money and have more fun doing it

• You’ve ever felt stuck in a job, business, or relationship because of obligation

• You want to get better at choosing without obligation

We’re calling it an intro to Access Consciousness — but it’s really a playground for possibility. I might talk about money, or business, or obligation. Or I might just riff on what it’s like to live a life where everything you do is a yes from your soul, not a “should” from your past.

Let’s Wrap It Up: Your Takeaway

If you’re still reading (you rock), here’s what I want you to take away:

You always have a choice.

Even when it feels like you don’t.Even when someone else said you had to.Even when you told yourself, “I can’t back out now.”

Choice is the only thing that will ever set you free.

So ask yourself today:

• What have I obligated myself into?

• What would it be like to choose again?

• Where am I giving out of duty, not desire?

• Who am I waiting on to give back — instead of owning my own choice?

• What would I choose if I was truly choosing for me?